LUCIFERIA
SUPERPOWERS: The ability to hypnotize with her eyes, and voice mimicry
PLAYED BY: Claudia GrossLast seen in episode one: "Dance with the Devil"
Goal: To seize control of The Halscope, do away with Electra-Elf and Fluffer, and in doing so, become the richest, most powerful woman in the world.
About Her: She used to be a nice girl until she got involved with rock star, Crimson Mask, a performer best known for biting the heads off of live animals onstage. Now she calls upon the powers of darkness as the frontwoman for the band, Luciferia's Angels.
Her Crimes: Peddling euphoria, a dangerous street drug, to children and robbing the Hummerville Orphanage's summer camp fund.BIF NUTMAN
SUPERPOWERS: He's got an entire fraternity at his disposal along with millions of dollars.
PLAYED BY: Noel DinneenLast seen in episode five: "Roof Party"
Goal: To "roof" and subsequently impregnate the women of Hummerville University with his specially formulated seed, creating exact clones of himself who will in turn, take over the world.
About Him: Bif Nutman is the son of Strom Nutman, a corrupt senator who made his millions as an oil man. He's also Hummerville University's star quarterback
and the president of the fraternity, Phi Kappa Leak.
His Crimes: Kidnapping Hummerville University's most promising student, Curtis Spieglecum, and forcing him
to assist in his roofing/cloning experiment and attempting to roof the entire Hummerville cheerleading squad.
SALVADOR DOILY
SUPERPOWERS: The Super Doily paintbrush which can transport living creatures into paintings.
PLAYED BY: Master LeeLast seen in episode eight: "Deadly Little Trees"
Goal: To rob the Hummerville Art Museum of priceless treasures in order to become the richest man in the world.
About Him: Career criminal, eccentric art star and man about town, Doily was jailed for art forgery, then released after a well-publicized hunger strike on condition that he teach drawing to underpriviliged teens. Canned for calling a student an imbicile, Doily formed a gang of art school drop-outs and went underground, selling stolen paintings to Italian gangsters.
His Crimes: Kidnapping the most famous artist in the world, Bob Floss. Stealing priceless paintings like Dogs Playing Poker and the Black Velvet Elvis.
ICKY & BAREASS HELLBOUND
SUPERPOWERS: Deadly stilettos and no morals.
PLAYED BY: Rev Jen and Neal MedlynLast seen in episode seven: "Hellbound Heiresses"
Goal: To banish poor unfashionable people and pets from Hummerville, to assist the Hellbound Corporation in taking over Hummerville.
About Them: These girls are trouble! They are the excessively wealthy heiresses to the Hellbound fortune and the evil minds behind the stripmalling of downtown Hummerville.
Their Crimes: Attempting to wrongfully evict the Spitzers from their dress shop, abusing their hired help and their chihuahua, tying up Electra-Elf beneath a deadly bed of nails, and attempting to burn the Spitzer's dress shop down.
KING NEPTUNE
SUPERPOWERS: ?
PLAYED BY: Big MikeLast seen in episode three: "Old Man & the Sea Monkey"
Goal: To induce non-melanoma skin cancer in humans with his ozone depletion ray while melting the polar ice caps to immerse civilization in water. Further ambitions: To blow up the Scummy Island Aquarium with Mona the Manatee collateral damage.
About Him: Born Nestor J. Cohen, he was raised by Beth and Harry Cohen, proprietors of the Scummy Island Freak Show. Harry Cohen, a malicious scientist and crack doctor, experimented on Nestor, implanting gills in his chest, forcing him to perform a vaudeville act as "Nestor the Amazing Fish Boy." Nestor developed a hatred of humanity while moving far beneath the sea, colonizing a community of half-human fish freaks who once performed for his sadistic father.
His Crimes: The kidnapping and torture of oceanographer Jacques Koozetoe, depleting the ozone layer and contributing to global warming.
CLAM BAKE
SUPERPOWERS: Buck Teeth.
PLAYED BY: Hank FlynnLast seen in episode three: "Old Man & the Sea Monkey"
About Him: A half-man/half-clam sea mutant who piledrives anything that gets in his way, including Electra-Elf!
NESSY
SUPERPOWERS: Scottish accent.
PLAYED BY: Lloyd FloydLast seen in episode three: "Old Man & the Sea Monkey"
About Him: Half man/half Loch Ness Monster, this sea mutant attempts to feed Jacques Kooztoe to the sharks with a smidge of Mrs. Dash!
MAGGOT MASTER
SUPERPOWERS: Malignant genius fueled by the amoral parasitism of the ruling class.
PLAYED BY: Mike AmatoLast seen in episode two: "Maggot on a hot tin roof "
Goal: To populate Hummerville with replicant tourists, displacing unwanted low-income dwellers utilizing his Pituitary Cellular Differentiator.
About Him: A defrocked theoretical physicist and administrator of covert spacial deconcentration, Maggot Master is part of a conspiracy to ensnare society into a neural net. Initially concerned with how, in a universe ruled by entropy, drawing inexorably toward greater disorder, he could achieve full spectrum dominance over all available real estate and effect maximum social control and predictability over urban populations and property owners, he found democratic structures and organizations to be inimical to his strategies and hooked up with a genetic research scientist with ties to the Rand corporation known as Red Snapper.
Both a member of the Council on Foreign Relations and a communist mole for the People's Republic of China, with a hidden agenda to hemorrhage the US economy through compounded debt to her Asian masters, Red Snapper helped Maggot Master solve one of the outstanding problems of artificial molecular assembly, the pituitary cellular conjecture, and in so doing helped jump-start his mission to transform humans into components of a superorganism. She accomplished this by cooking a soup of ammonia, water, methane and carbon dioxide, knitted together with high voltage electrical currents produced from a Tesla coil, (augmented by uranium 238 and strontium 90 in a homemade cyclotron), twisting clumps of organic sludge into self replicating molecular pretzels. Genetically mutated tourists produced on an assembly line were the result; mindless automatons taking up valuable sidewalk space.
Through the systematic organization of class hatred, Maggot Master and Red Snapper were able to raise the stock price of their real estate ventures, generating more capital to buy raw materials to build replicant tourist factories. Their investors; landlords, white collar criminals, and international arms dealers split the dividends while hording empty buildings during an artificially induced housing shortage designed to raise rents to unheard of levels, achieving maximum social disruption.
His Crimes: Displacing urban populations by hording real estate and causing rents to be raised on working class tenants while making life miserable for everyone by producing more unwanted tourists buying crappy products made in China by slave labor (helping to destroy our economy by making American manufacturers and small business owners obsolete) while sanitizing and "cleaning up" urban zones for more family friendly commercial exploitation by Disney, Walmart and other multinational corporations. Helping to kill what's left of a counterculture in the city.
"Wounds are healed by the maggots they breed."
SUPER ULCER
SUPERPOWERS: The free-floating ulcer ball which he can summon by bringing on a flashback to his sweat lodge initiation experience.
PLAYED BY: Lloyd FloydNickname: Ulcerboy
Last seen in episode two: "Maggot on a hot tin roof "
Goal: To give people ulcers.
About Him: A failed stand-up comic and Rotor Rooter salesman, Super Ulcer stumbled upon his super-powers while hitch-hiking in Tijuana where he drunkenly ended up in a sweat lodge run by a one armed shaman afflicted with leprosy named Geronimo Schnod. In a case of mistaken identity he was initiated into a hazing ritual that incorporated the ingestion of peyote, mandrake, rattlesnake venom, witch hazel and thyroid powder in a tincture of ginger, chrysanthemum and bat guano.
This somehow activated a previously undetected medical anomaly unique to Super Ulcer; a non-vestigial anti-thymus with which he would be able, (upon concentrating his neural circuits) to project ulcers in others. Deadly to his opponents, Super Ulcer's instant ulcers are a source of malignant perfidy and should be avoided at all costs.
His Crimes: The murder of Bill Hicks, who mysteriously ended up with "cancer" in the early 90's. The looting of the American Troglodyte Museum in Pensecola, Florida. He is also rumored to have been an FBI sniper in Waco Texas at the time of the Branch Davidian massacre.
PANTALOON
SUPERPOWERS: Emitting a debilitating profusion of narcotic(?) balloons. The ability to juggle disembodied heads.
PLAYED BY: Eric DavisLast seen in episode four: "Great Shrunken Expectations "
Goal: To deprogram Electra Elf in the land of unanswered questions. Employing psychoanalysis, he diagnoses her as having a bi-polar mood disorder and examines how to unpadlock her brain in order to dispel the self-betrayal of a chemically induced identity in order to give her a full understanding of the nature of Emptiness.
About Him: He seems to appear in dreams and/or altered states of consciousness. The reality of his existence may be in doubt. Is he the product of subconscious anxiety or is he the Anti-Id?
His Crimes: Fucking with reality.
BI POLAR BEAR
SUPERPOWERS: A hurricane mist of freezing halitosis.
PLAYED BY: Giorgio HandmanLast seen in episode six: "I, Nauseus"
Goal: To establish a Southern Kingdom in Hummerville by causing a massive cold front, establishing a beach-head in his path to world domination.
About Him: Residing in a flying igloo at the North Pole with his henchman Mr. Pathos Bipolar Bear is subject to wild mood swings which can take him from feelings of euphoric omnipotence to the depths of dispair. Enmeshed in a business alliance with "coalition of the willing" partner George Bickerson (a measley slumlord hoping to convert his crumbling tenements into ski lodges) BiPolar Bear's plans encompass world dictatorship with himself in charge.
His Crimes: Tampering with the earth's fragile eco-system in order to freeze out tenants in slum buildings.
CAPT. SUV
SUPERPOWERS: Projectile vomit and a private army of ninja cyborgs.
PLAYED BY: Chuck FunkLast seen in episode six: "Last seen in Episode 10 Of Lice & Men"
Goal: To pollute the airwaves with right wing gibberish spreading disinformation while enforcing spatial deconcentration as a strategy to stifle urban unrest, disenfranchising progressive coalitions.
About Him: Oxycontin addict and borderline psycho Rush Lintball hosts a nationwide radio show spewing venomous propaganda for a criminal enterprise known as the Republican party. In his youth a failed aireoke contestant, Lintball is a family values guy with a string of failed marriages and a vast financial empire fueled by moronic radio listeners and corporate sponsors dedicated to peddling lies in the service of unrestrained imperialism and crypto-fascist patriotic lunacy. With his sidekick Jinx, Lintball as Capt. SUV hogs the road in a souped-up SUV belching noxious fumes for miles around.
His Crimes: Kidnapping community activists and buying real estate vacated due to arson.
TANTALUS
photo by Linda Obuchoska
SUPERPOWERS: A Super Conducting Super Collider that can enlarge objects and decrease or accelerate aging.
PLAYED BY: Alison GordyLast seen in episode 14: "Vile Buddies"
Goal: To kill 4 billion people as soon as possible while harnessing the weather to create hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes and other catastrophes.
About Her: As a member of C.U.N.T. (command unified network of terrorism), she coordinates privately managed relief bases used to herd displaced populations made homeless by government sponsored disasters. Amassing a fortune with a private empire in fetishwear she got into arms dealing and built a base in hell with her side-kicks gangrene and wolfie.
Her Crimes: Blowing up a car and endangering the life of a baby.
CRIMSON MASK
SUPERPOWERS: Biting the heads off live animals.
PLAYED BY: Ivan the HorribleLast seen in episode 11 & 12: "electra elf - the begining"
Goal: To assist Buford Utz and Pork Rind as they help Ignatius Wenis peddle junk foods and anti-depressant drugs to unsuspecting citizens.
About Him: Scarred for life by fluffer after he killed Master Lee.
His Crimes: Assault and battery, kidnapping and misuse of a ginsu knife.